I just got a funny spam/virus thing at my work account. I can't actually open it, but on my preview window it says:

X Files Ford King Live That's quite right
Where is the Soccer

And I can't help but ask myself, where is the soccer indeed?

I'm a winner!

So, being the slacker introvert that I am, I only got around to changing my address for my auto insurance today. Lucky for me, when I pulled out my last bill to look for a phone number I found that I was able to sign up for an account online and thereby administer things myself (power to the people!). I love the internet. But the best part, when I got my confirmation e-mail telling me I was all set up it read:

Congratulations on your registration with Nationwide Insurance onlineservices!

I feel somehow my abilities to use the internet, spell my name properly, and even use that numeric keypad on the right-hand side of my keyboard were all validated today with this thank you. It may not be a silver medal, but dammit! my insurance agency feels I've done a job well done!

Ode to US Gymnastics

Gymnastics this year has been intense,
even if the commentators seem on the fence
about our hometeam athletes
and their incredible aerobic feats.

On our team we have Blaine
who worked hard at his last Olympics, even through the pain.
and we also have the set of twin Hamms
who double your pleasure, with their magnificent gams.

Although I must digress
and hereby humbly confess
I want the delightfully agile Romanian dude,
to be the father of my (future) brood.

On the womens team we have the aged
whose appetite for winning cannot be sated.
Among them Pam's girl Mohini,
who at 4'10" towers over the Romanian we labeled Teeny.

Of America's golden girl,
Let the trumpets cry and the banners unfurl.
For Carly Patterson is the cutest thing we ever did see,
And with her spritely ways and bouncy step has led our team to victory!

Our teams may not have come in first
but they are far from being the worst.
As we make new friends but remember the old
We won silver and that's damn good. (or so I'm told)

Brrr, it's cold in here...

Must be some Clovers in the atmosphere!

Yeah, I don't really know what that means either, but it must be true because AP quotes it from Bring It On all the time! And it does fit the current situation in my office, or at least the first part does.

I have no thermostat in my office and I think it may actually be the coldest office on the hall. I'm not sure how to fix this problem, even when wearing pants I'm quite chilly. I suppose I have a few options:

a. try to block the a/c vent in my ceiling
b. request a space heater, even though it's August and I'll look completely insane
c. spend all of my time in the bathroom where it's warmer and I can run my hands under the hot faucet
d. try to find a thermostat for the office and alter the setting...thereby roasting out everyone else around
e. bring a blanket to work and pretend I'm FDR giving an evening fireside chat

There are advantages and drawbacks to each plan. Anyone have any other suggestions?

“The guys are so ugly.”

I found confirmation of the feeling I had reading about Miss Massachusetts, in of all places, an article about porn:

Okay, so most of the men in straight porn are not all that appealing. Yes, their cocks are tremendous—ridiculously towering pillars of flesh that (with the aid of a fluffer) you could dry your sheets on. But, at least for straight guys, there is something wonderful and reassuring about the lack of attractiveness of the leading man. For one, at least he’s not gorgeous AND hung like a Samoan donkey. That, folks, is what we call genetic justice. Two, while watching porn, guys think to themselves that if Ron Jeremy, a man uglier than a red-haired mullet, can get that much pussy, well then, so can they, goddammit.

Beauty and the Geek (to steal the headline)

Does it make me a shallow bitch if I think this is totally unfair?? Smart AND pretty? No way, Jose!

http://alum.mit.edu/ne/noteworthy/ebbel.html

But this makes me feel a little better (thanks Mac!) . Check out the bikini shot...

http://www.pageant.net/erikaebbel/

Ah MIT! You have found yet another way to crush my spirit and make me feel like a failure!

Today's Random Thoughts

Just a list today, as I have nothing particularly exciting to ramble on about:

• My neck is killing me! I slept on an air mattress last nite, which would have been uncomfortable enough by itself, but on top of that I believe the temperature in my house was about -10 degrees Kelvin. I woke up believing I really was the popsicle I had just been dreaming about.
• I updated the color scheme on this page. It's hard to build a page around an orange star graphic, but I have done just that. I'm waiting for Molly's feedback on how much she hates it. Lucky for you all, my first attempt was a putrescent pepto pink concoction which I have toned down to purple. Count your lucky stars!
• Interesting things I've found while packing for Pittsburgh: a datebook/calendar from my freshman year of college (apparently saved for my future A&E Biography), four bras circa 1999 (at least I can compare and note recent improvement in my physique), and lastly a pair of ratty old boxers belonging to an ex-bf. I mean, there were holes for God's sake! Who saves something like that? Honestly.
• Listening to: Identity Crisis, as mixed by my sister. She makes great CDs. She puts songs on there that I've never heard before and yet I apparently like. My sister rocks (good, now today's requisite sucking up is out of the way).
• Today I did NOT: sexually harass my coworker (as much as I wanted to), actually do work for which Berkshire would normally pay me for, lift any heavy items (except my head with my crippled neck), cry while listening to country music on the way to work.